I don’t believe in love. Never been in love. So this day is death to my black, black heart. I can only think of one place, one drink, that can remedy this depression: New Amsterdam gin & tonic from the Back Door. I’ll be there at 5:15 sharp. Please have a few lined up.

Sing these lyrics out loud in honor of this wretched day:

I’m through with love
I’ll never fall again.
Said adieu to love
Don’t ever call again.
For I must have you or no one
And so I’m through with love.

I’ve locked my heart
I’ll keep my feelings there.
I have stocked my heart
with icy, frigid air.
And I mean to care for no one
Because I’m through with love.