New York’s Daily Beast called me the other day to talk about meeting single dudes in Louisville. Apparently, we ranked 33 out of 36 cities in finding single men. We just beat out San Antonio, Jacksonville, Fla., and El Paso, Texas. Well shit. That’s not very good.

Here’s what those douches had to say about us:

“Beast Analysis: The Kentucky Derby may be the biggest party in the South, but Louisville, home to the nation’s famous baseball bat factory, lacks a deep storehouse of sluggers. Situated in the heart of the Bible Belt, most of the men here are already taken.”