When I’m drunk texting, this is what I imagine is happening. Everything makes total sense! There’s a rainbow above me. A band is playing behind me. I’m finally going to get everything out that I’ve been meaning to tell her but am too much of a coward to do it in person. Let me read it again. Yep! That makes so much sense. I’d like to receive this text. This is it. This is what is going to change her mind.

Cut to the next morning … zoom in on me checking my messages … “What the fuck!!!!! What the hell!!! I am a dumbass!!! Who says shit like this?? I’m surprised I even have friends!!! It doesn’t even make any sense!”

Another one bites the dust.