New bars are like  new babies to me … except they usually end up taking care of me at 3 a.m. when I’ve wet myself and am crying for Taco Bell. Last night I got a sneak peek at the new Nowhere bar in the Highlands, where our beloved Amazing Grace once stood. It’s definitely a hip, swanky place that caters more toward the club crowd, but I found the bar and the lounge area extremely inviting if you weren’t out to break in your dance shoes. There are two pool tables, lots of couch area, and, of course, a dance floor with piercing neon lights firing every which way but loose (in my pants). Holla!

Anyway, it’s a welcome addition to the gay bar scene here in Louisville and in the Highlands. But I really don’t see it being strictly for gay clientele. It’s gonna attract youngsters, hipsters, gaysters, lesbos, frat boys, sorority girls and grandmas. It kinda reminded me a lot of the old @tmosphere — but better and not as shady, of course. And it had that underground feel that Pink Door held on Thursday nights.

I was able to confiscate a drink menu (printed on paper … I wouldn’t have stolen an actual menu … I hadn’t had THAT much to drink yet). There are 12 taps loaded with delectables like Angry Orchard, Bells 312, Bells Two-Hearted, Sam Adams and Southern Tier 2X IPA (which I had for $5 a pint). I was happy to see Miller Lite and Bud Light on there as well, because, sometimes, we just don’t have time for hops, Jesus!

There’s also a handful of specialty cocktails with names like Backwoods Barbie, Bum Fuck Egypt (B.F.E.) and Timbuktu.

Welcome, Nowhere! Now when my mom asks me what I’m doing with my life, I’ll just tell her I’m going Nowhere.