Have you ever noticed bourbon tastes sweeter in the spring, or is it just me? OK fine, my taste buds must be out of whack or just in tune for Derby — you pick.

I would be remiss not to mention that I’ll be up for auction tonight at a charity event at The Planet in the Highlands. For anyone who’s ever wanted to waterboard me or make me mow the lawn, this is your chance. I’m hoping I go for more than $2, but the demand for dick jokes has decreased over the last few years.

I’ve done this one other time in college — and I remember it being awkward and silly. My best guy friend was trying to outbid with a new suitor (who I dumped for happy hour — true story), and I think my friend ended up winning. I believe he made me clean his kitchen or something.

Anyway, it should be interesting.