Lord knows I don’t have a shortage.
(cue drum roll) The Drunk Texts of the Week are …
- Daniel Radcliffe’s delicious asshole is appropriate
- This corn tastes like Kate Winslet’s tears
- Sometimes vodka can be so embarrassing
- Pap that schmear
- I am a classy lady. I wipe the seat after I spray it down.
- Is that government housing or a rick house?
- Why is everyone tossing TSwift’s salad?
- Was there a great wind tonight?
- I would much rather be your cum bucket then your dump bucket
- Everything good needs a quick smack before you do something with it
- Someone said to listen to Fleetwood Mac in the shower with the lights off and a candle, it’s very sensual.
- Her car is older than her girlfriend
- I know a good bang when I see one
- Mac & Cheese creams my lady parts