Did you buy a lottery ticket today? I think it’s at, like, $450 million or something. What would you do with that dough? Quit your job? Buy a car? Travel to Australia? Buy an island?

I was thinking if I won, I’d take this here column on the road and make it international. I would canvas the world searching for the coolest bars in every nook, cranny and continent. I’d buy a few houses here and there. I’d hire a personal chef for my parents — and a landscaper. I’d buy everyone in the Back Door a round. I’d get a dog whisperer to help Brady not bark at mailmen, UPS drivers and strippers. I’d sleep in and stay up late. I’d breathe.

Now I just have to buy a ticket.