Along with published author, key-to-the-city holder, class clown superlative, and still alive at 40, you can add “fantasy football champion” to the list of accolades on my résumé of life.

I played in two leagues — one competed for money, the other for glory. So, of course, I won the glorious glory hole one, so my only compensation is to brag. Many have asked what my secret was to winning, and it boils down to two words: Aaron Rodgers.

I’d like to thank the academy, and my mom.