Today’s Reason To Drink

Better with chocolate.

So I tried the latest Dairy Queen Blizzard — the one with both Reece’s Pieces and bits of Reece’s Cups mixed together, along with some caramel for good measure.

It was delicious, as you might imagine, and I enjoyed the chunkiness throughout the entire small cup.

HOWEVER …

Y’all’s Louisville Dairy Queens suck because they don’t offer an option of chocolate soft serve. Yes, it’s a fact that a majority of Dairy Queens in the country offer BOTH vanilla and chocolate soft serve.

In fact, the Dairy Queen in my tiny town of Tipp City, Ohio, where I grew up, had both options.

This Blizzard would have been much better with chocolate ice cream instead of the plain-Jane vanilla. Who’s got time for vanilla?

So why don’t Louisville Dairy Queens offer both? I called the DQ HQ shortly after I moved to town and discovered this travesty, and they said it was because one dude owns most of the franchises here, and he chooses to only use vanilla machines.

People just don’t get it.

I’ve done some research over the years, and one of the closest DQs not owned by this dude is in La Grange. So go there and ask for the Blizzard of the Month made with chocolate ice cream.

It’ll change your life.

Today’s Reason To Drink

Coffee & Smores!

Louisville Cream should be illegal. Or maybe just illegal for me.

There I was, scrolling through Facebook yesterday, looking at weekend pictures from people I don’t know, watching dog videos, and spying on the life of that one girl who hated me in high school — and ka-blam! — a decadent image of melty ice cream atop a cone popped up.

But this wasn’t any ice cream.

This was peanut butter-flavored ice cream that had been rollin’ in the hay with cookies & cream. Cookie smudges were all over the place. Damn the Louisville Cream people for capturing this food porn and making me watch it!

Of course I immediately stopped in after lunch for an affair of my own. And as I sat in that awful downtown construction traffic, licking my cone, I was in pure bliss.

And then, not five minutes after returning to my work computer, I again scrolled through Facebook to refocus my mind — and ka-blam! — there was ANOTHER cone porn photo from Louisville Cream, this time touting their new Coffee & Smores concoction.

How did I even miss this flavor while I was there? How can I be craving another scoop when I just inhaled one? Is there a god?

Seriously. It’s been on my mind since I first glimpsed it, and the only way to diminish those fattening flames is to go try it for myself.

I’m trying to lose weight here, people. And you’re making ice cream with smores and coffee and peanut butter and Oreos? How is a person supposed to win in this situation?

Why can’t Louisville Cream make ice cream out of asparagus? How about broccoli & tofu? Or maybe peas &  baby veal? That way I could make it through every day without the urge for ice cream.

Give a girl a break, would ya?

Today’s Reason To Drink

Hellfire!

While you all were hiding in basements during this afternoon’s storm, I was inhaling a scoop of ice cream at Ehler’s downtown.

I’m not saying the heavenly bliss my mouth experienced caused the high and low pressures to collide, resulting in thunder, lightning and torrential downpours, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it did. I’m only kinda sorry for that.

I’m not even going to say what flavor it was, because that would give away the top secret piece I’m working on right now. But let’s just say we may have more storms ahead this week.

This is what happens when you’re single too long.

Yesterday’s Reason To Drink

Pizza. It’s not a taco.

It is with peace and love that I say this.

Now, before I say it, I need to stress that I do love both establishments as bars. I will still hang out in said establishments because of the awesome environment, great beer and bourbon selections, and the close proximity of my home and work.

OK. Are we ready?

I’ve come to the conclusion, after a lifetime of consuming, that I do not care for New York-style pizza. I don’t want a pizza I can fold in half. I want either a thick pie with loads of cheese, or a crisp cracker-thin crust that I eat square by square.

So I’m talking to you, The Post and Butchertown Pizza Hall. I know this is going to put me into the minority in this town, but I just don’t feel satisfied after one of your slices, no matter what I put on top.

Does this mean I will stop eating at these places? Probably not. I love a $3 meal as much as the next guy. I’m just saying — with peace and love — that I prefer Chicago- and Detroit-style pizza over a flimsy piece of dough that sags when you pick it up.

Again, I love cheese, and lots of it. I’ve noticed that many times, the New York-style pizza skimps on the mozzarella.

Well, that wasn’t as scary as I anticipated. And again, I will continue to hang out at these places because they’re cool. I might just try something else off the menu next time.

Peace and love.

Today’s Reason To Drink

Free eggs and pancakes?

So it’s very rare that I’m out on a Monday night past, say, 6 p.m. Mondays are my days to recharge and rest my liver. But last night, I stayed out among many millennials — and now I know what I’m missing: Free food!

I was a judge for the Woodford Reserve Manhattan Experience earlier in the evening, and then I decided to meet up with some out-of-town journalists who were spending their last night in Louisville at the Silver Dollar.

We were talking bourbon in a long booth when the hostess came over and passed out some raffle tickets. Then she said there was a free food buffet available for anyone who was hungry. Free prizes? Free food? What the hell was happening?

Turns out Mondays are industry nights at some bars, so there are all kinds of discounts for those in college and/or in the restaurant industry. I talked to two college dudes who said they’ve been coming to Silver Dollar for months to get the free food, which included salad, scrambled eggs and pancakes.

I actually was slightly hungry, so I grabbed some eggs and a pancake — and it hit the spot.

I think the food and prizes start around 9 or 10. We didn’t win anything, so I guess that means I’ll have to stop by again sometime when I can pry myself off the couch on a Monday night.