I like how from this Saturday through May 4, all excuses for bad behavior in this town always begin like this: “Well, it is Derby time.”

This excuse can be and is often used for the following:

-Missing work
-Hungover at work
-Sprained ankles
-Drinking on a Sunday night
-One-night stands
-Drunk dialing
-Drunk texting
-Buying a round of Jagerbombs for the entire bar
-Drinking top-shelf liquor
-Drinking in the daytime

Am I missing anything else?