Happy Halloween weekend! Where is everyone going? Where are the best parties? I’ve stopped worrying about the contests — there’s no way you’re going to win when you’re competing against professional costumers. Plus, I don’t want to be tied down to any one place all night. So I’m gonna make the rounds, staying close to home. This will probably involve the Back Door and Monkey Wrench … and everything in between.

If you see a singing, stumbling Chuck E. Cheese puppet, buy her a drink.