Drunk Texts of the Week

  • Zack PhoneDammit, I just sneezed and peed a little again :/
  • If you pull it out too quick, it will squirt everywhere
  • I have Benadryl in my lady folds
  • If Jesus was a taco, he’d have to sleep in the manger
  • I want to put my mouth around that pipe dream
  • I gotta finger my ear hole while you talk about dicks
  • I bet that bitch’s poop don’t float!
  • I’m gonna turf tow my asshole!
  • Turn down for twat?!
  • Spanked. So hard I needed a safe word.

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