Sorry, I’ve been hoarding these like a box of Thin Mints. It’s time for the purge.

• My vagina is crying the snail trail of tears
• I could do this to a watermelon, said Bill Cosby never
• I’m gonna Kathy Bate your ankles!
• I feel like if you were a man, you’d have a hard-on right now
• I’d rather have a urethra on my chin than in my mouth
• Can I come over and weigh myself after I poop?
• I need to suckle a teet
• I haven’t had a good solid poop since ’89
• What God giveth, I drinketh
• I’m gonna open a restaurant called Getup Bahn Mi
• She’s done the Mexican Cloud Swing at Turners