Today’s Reason To Drink

My Tinder match.

My Tinder match.

Just because I enjoy torturing myself and had two ounces left of hope that there’s someone normal on these online dating sites, I spent some of my weekend browsing, swiping and searching on two different sites. I didn’t find anything resembling “normal,” but what I did find was a whole barge-load of bullshit.

First, before I met some friends for dinner, I actually matched with someone on Tinder. She seemed normal and could carry on an interesting conversation. I spent most of the evening talking with her at various points throughout my dinner. And although I told my friends what I was doing, I still felt like the asshole who was on her phone nonstop.

Anyway, about 10 minutes after I had revealed my favorite movies — this conversation was totally PG, by the way — I checked back to see if she had judged me for my love of “Pretty Woman,” and she was … wait for it … gone. Disappeared into thin air, taking with her our entire conversation and my evening of rudely interrupting my friends. I found out later she either blocked me or disabled her account. I’m taking it that she’s really not a Julia Roberts fan — but that seems kinda drastic.

If you already have a boyfriend or girlfriend or aren’t interested, why initiate a five-hour conversation and reciprocate with questions? In order to match on Tinder, both people have to swipe right. So why did she swipe right in the first place?

All in all, it sounds like I dodged a bullet. And mostly I’m angry with myself for putting any energy toward a ridiculous dating site while eating pizza with my friends.

Lesson learned. Hope gone. Drink bourbon.

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