Drunk Texts of the Week

old-phone• Dick cheese is better than afterbirth 

• Hugging her is like hugging a hornets nest

• The last few sips of margaritas taste like semen

• Cropdusting in a Speakeasy

• Jesus had nothing to do with your cropdusting 

• If it catches on fire, I need it in my mouth!

• Take a deep breath and let them see the peepee.


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