Drunk Texts of the Week

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It’s been a while, drunk texts … nice to see you again!

  • Is that vodka or suppressed homosexuality?
  • Brownies is not Stout
  • I’m fired up and ready to throw punches to a rose bush!
  • The Japanese are so ahead in electronics but so far behind in malt liquor
  • Our relationship reminded me of Dawson’s Creek
  • I’m on board with finger bang

Drunk Texts of the Week

broken_phoneThey’re here, and they’re better than the new “Poltergeist” knockoff! Here’s this week’s installment of Drunk Texts. Enjoy. I promise to do better and post them more often.

• That’s not a shot, it’s a drink without ice!

• I feel like I’ve been ridden hard and put away wet

• How can you play well with others when you can’t play with yourself?

• I’m too Midwestern to feel empowered

• She’s so fake, even her body is fighting her

Drunk Texts of the Week

old-phone• Dick cheese is better than afterbirth 

• Hugging her is like hugging a hornets nest

• The last few sips of margaritas taste like semen

• Cropdusting in a Speakeasy

• Jesus had nothing to do with your cropdusting 

• If it catches on fire, I need it in my mouth!

• Take a deep breath and let them see the peepee.