Naughty nineteen!
Happy New Year!
How will you spend your year? Bitchin’ or itchin’ for new adventures?
Of course I’m now on a self-imposed diet that is no fun, but I’m trying to move a lot more and not put as much cheese in my mouth.
I’ll also promise to post more, but we all know how that goes.
Be kind, be useful, smile, use sunscreen, tell someone you like their pants, don’t eat after midnight, mind the gap, and enjoy 2019!
Take me there!
If you could go anywhere right this moment, where would you go?
Ireland? Paris? Greece? Hawaii? Cage diving with sharks in Australia?
Because I’m cold and craving ocean waves, I’ll say somewhere warm and low key. With a tiki bar nearby, possibly in the pool I’m sitting in.
I want a pina colada topped with an extra shot of spiced rum. And keep ’em coming!
Inappropriate.
Not to jump on the bandwagon of banning Christmas songs, but I have one I think we need to stop playing as well.
The 1953 song “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” is not only annoying as hell, but it calls for a domestication of the mostly herbivorous African mammal, which is nearing extinction. If American children start receiving a hippo in their stockings or under their trees, this will decimate the population in the wild.
Perhaps it was cool to keep a hippo as a pet in the ’50s, when they could roam around the ranch-style houses out in the suburbs, but it’s just not convenient for today’s housing trends. And have you seen the size of hippo poo?
Context or no context, this song is terribly inappropriate in the wake of the #IWantAHippoToo movement.
Also, the more songs we ban, the more Mariah Carey Christmas masterpieces we hear!
Merry Christmas … and all that jazz.
I finally put up a small Christmas tree to acknowledge the holiday … or at least acknowledge to people looking at my house that I’m aware that it’s happening whether I like it or not.
It’s made of bourbon barrel staves, which surprises no one, and makes me happy much more than a living, prickly plant that smells like gin.
The tree was made by my buddy who runs DrunkWood, and it’s one of many things he fashions out of barrels. Check him out!
Maybe he’ll make this sign for me next:
Bar Belle: Taking the Christmas out of Christmas spirit since 1976.
This only exists in your imagination.
Last week, we explored the fine taverns of Okolona in search for the mythical creature known as the Okolona Corona.
We didn’t find said creature, but we did unearth a few gems on our journey.
Bah humbug.
Well, I found out why I increasingly dislike the holidays — except for St. Patrick’s Day.
On Sunday, I was attempting to put out one of those laser-beam lights that project red and green dots all over your damn house, and I missed a step on my back porch and sprained both ankles.
I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is no, I had not even had a drop of alcohol. I did just watch the Bengals lose to the Browns, so perhaps I was preoccupied with anger and disappointment.
So for the past two days, I’ve been working from my couch, and icing my ankles and keeping them elevated. I’m able to walk around and wiggle my toes, so I made the assumption that nothing was broken. And the swelling isn’t crazy bad.
It’ll heal, but in the meantime, you may see me walking as slow as bourbon-soaked molasses in January. I need to get one of those shopping cart scooters from Walmart so I can drive around downtown shouting at people and throwing handfuls of glitter at them.
Just one more reason Christmastime blows.
Oh wait, I did have one positive experience over Thanksgiving weekend. I won a Pappy from Kroger!! I managed to hit six of them last Friday night, entering my name in the raffle at each one. And while I stood out in the cold Saturday morning at the Liquor Barn Pappy raffle, waiting desperately for my number to be called, Kroger blew up my phone and gave me the good news.
Pappy New Year!
$20 off!
Here’s another installment of Let’s Save Money on a Lyft So We Can Buy More Drinks!
Starting tomorrow, Save Ride KY — in a partnership with the Kentucky Distillers’ Association, Lyft and the Wine & Spirits Wholesalers of KY — is offering you $20 in free rides with Lyft.
All you have to do is open your Lyft app and type SAFERIDETURKEY into the promo area. That’ll give you $10 off two trips from Wednesday, Nov. 21, through Sunday, Nov. 25.
As you know, Thanksgiving Eve is one of the largest going-out nights in Louisville, so I expect to see you out and about, and I expect you to use a Lyft or Uber or old-fashioned taxi.
Cheers!
After God made marshmallow, she made Tums.
I recently did an exposé — an in-depth coverage, not the band from the ’80s — on the uptick of marshmallow usage in the NuLu area.
It required me to eat three marshmallow-heavy desserts back to back, which kept me wired all weekend, along with a stomach ache and a canker sore on my tongue.
The moral of the story: Even marshmallow should be enjoyed in moderation. #marshmoderation
I may not be able to eat the puffy treats for a few months. OK, maybe a few days.
If you didn’t catch the story, you can read it here.
Love the tall glasses, too!
Don’t hate me for saying this, but BW3’s has some of the best beer on tap.
I’m not talking about selection, although they do have at least 20 taps, probably more — it’s been a while since I’ve been there. I’m talking about quality. It’s cold, crisp and bubbly.
So many times, I order a draft beer at a local dive bar — not one in particular, but I have witnessed many with this problem — and it’s either skunky or warm. And when it’s skunky, it’s a clear sign that they do not clean their tap lines as often as they should — if they even ever clean them in the first place.
So why BW3’s? I’m guessing as a chain restaurant, they are required by the company to strictly follow regulations and rules, like daily cleaning of the tap lines. And I’m guessing they have to test the temperature of their beer every day as well.
I’m not saying go here instead of haunting your favorite local bar, I’m just bringing up the point that maybe some local bars should pay more attention to their draft beer and its quality.
I do have a liquid thermometer … maybe I should start bringing it with me and reporting the beer temperatures from bar to bar. I think I did a story on that once for LEO, or maybe it was Insider — trying to find the city’s coldest beer. I believe Joe’s Older Than Dirt won the top spot.
Boom.
I’m testing this to see if it automatically posts to my Bar Belle Facebook page, so humor me whether or not you find humor in these jokes.
Q: What did one sagging nipple say to the other?
A: If we don’t get some support around here, people are going to think we’re nuts!
Q: Why did the farmer start a punk rock band?
A: He was tired of Hall & Oates!
Next time you see me out, ask me to tell you the difference between jelly and jam, and also a joke and a gag.
Thank you, goodnight!
