Tasteless Tastings bottles

Tasteless Tastings: Summer 2020, The Quarantine Edition

Welcome to another edition of Tasteless Tastings, which is exactly what it sounds like: tasting notes from the riffraff. If you follow the liquor industry to any capacity, you probably have come across snooty tasting notes from classy people who make the new spirit sound more like a science experiment than something you consume for fun. I want to shoot gayly forward from the hip and tell you how it really tastes. So each time the nice mailman brings me a sample to try, I’ll gather up some friends and we’ll have a candid, lively and unpolitically correct discussion about said sample.

This month’s gathering was rather limited, since we’re in the middle of a pandemic and all. But rest assured, we all stayed 6 feet apart, except when they wanted seconds, and then it was more like 12 feet. Let’s get to it …

Tasteless Tastings bottles

The fearsome fivesome. | Photo by Sara Havens

What Are We Drinking Today?: 

Rolling Fork Rum

 

What the hell is it?:

After an unfortunate (but delicious) mistake, the Louisville guys behind Rolling Fork Spirits have finally come out with the product they envisioned for their brand: Rolling Fork Rum. This small batch release features 11-year-old rum from El Salvador that has been finished in four different casks: bourbon, rye whiskey, port and sherry.

After spending about two years hanging out in these barrels in Kentucky, Turner Wathen and Jordan Morris mingled them together to create this flavorful, whiskey-tinged rum.

 

Give me the nerdy numbers:

110 proof, 11-year-old El Salvador rum finished in used bourbon, rye, port and sherry barrels. Retails for about $85-$95.

 

What do we think?:

Rolling Fork Rum bottleBritany: It smells like high school, when we used to drink Bacardi 151.

Miriam: There goes my nose hairs.

Tracy: Starts out smooth and then … whoosh!

Britany: It’s got sort of a tropical note flavor on the tongue.

Bar Belle: I’m getting banana and vanilla. It’s quite smooth and goes down easy.

Kelly: It’s hot and it burns all the way down.

Bar Belle: That’s because you’re a lightweight.

Katie: My throat is numb! But it’s good. I don’t have thoughts. It’s good.

Tracy: Tastes like a snickerdoodle. It’s cinnamon, or maybe that’s the explosion in the back.

Tasters add ice to samples …

Britany: Now that the ice is in it, it’s buttery. I want it in pudding!

Tracy: Like a good butterscotch. It’s porch-sippin’ rum.

Britany: It’s like you still had bourbon in the bottom in your glass and someone poured rum in.

Miriam: It’s still punching me in the nose.

Kelly: I’d put it with ginger ale. Or Coke.

 

Would you quarantine with this spirit?

Tracy: Yes! I would definitely quarantine with this.

Britany: It would definitely brighten my mood. I wouldn’t use it for disinfectant.

Bar BelleThis is a bourbon drinker’s rum. Of course I’d quarantine with it! I bet it does dirty things in a cocktail. Bring on the pineapple!

Miriam: Yes, I like it. Maybe with ginger ale?

Kelly: Sure. To be fair, though, I’d quarantine with anything.

Katie: I would for sure. I like the bottle, too.

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What Are We Drinking Today?: 

Buzzard’s Roost Single Barrel Straight Rye Whiskey

 

What the hell is it?:

Buzzard’s Roost is owned and operated by my buddy Jason Brauner, who also owns Bourbon’s Bistro in Louisville. Jason has been a bourbon connoisseur long before bourbon was hip, and I truly believe he was one of the driving forces behind the big bourbon boom of today, especially in Kentucky.

Jason loves bourbon so much, he decided to release his own brand last year, and it has garnered great reviews and accolades — including recently winning a gold medal in the San Francisco World Spirits Competition for this Single Barrel Rye Whiskey.

Basically, Jason purchases fully mature bourbon from various brokers (Kentucky and Indiana juice), and then he works his magic in the finishing process, adding that bourbon to new, sometimes toasted barrels.

(I did not tell the tasters that I personally know Jason because, you know, ethics.)

 

Give me the nerdy numbers:

105 proof, 3 years old. Retails for about $80.

 

What do we think?:

Buzzard's Roost bottleBritany: Oooh, it’s spicy. My tongue is tingly.

Bar Belle: I’m getting a lot of black pepper. Wow! It kinda reminds me of a morning muffin that is still warm from being in the oven, and the butter just melts right on top. 

Tracy: This is quite nice. It’s fire — in a good way.

Miriam: There goes my nose hairs again!

Kelly: Mmmm, now this doesn’t suck.

Katie: This makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside, like a liquid Snuggie.

Tasters add ice …

Tracy: The ice mellows it out a bit, but it’s still spicy. This would make a great winter drink, sitting by the fire, curled up with a book.

Britany: Curled up with your kitties!

Tracy: Even better.

Bar Belle: I don’t understand you cat people.

Miriam: A-chew!

 

Would you quarantine with this spirit?

Tracy: I would quarankeep it!

Britany: I like this. Yes!

Bar Belle: Yes, it’s so smooth and sweet, yet packs a punch. I need a good punch during quarantine.

Miriam: Absolutely!

Kelly: It’s peppery and hot, so yes, definitely!

Katie: Sure, rye not?

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What Are We Drinking Today?: 

Larceny Barrel Proof B520

 

What the hell is it?:

This is the second release in the Barrel Proof line for this wheated bourbon made by Heaven Hill.

 

Give me the nerdy numbers:

122.2 proof, 6-8 years old, non-chill filtered. Retails for around $50.

 

What do we think?:

Larceny Barrel Proof bottleBritany: Ouch! It hurts! Right up the nose!

Kelly: It does hit the nose.

Tracy: It started off smooth and then — BLAM!

Miriam: I’m not even going to dip my toes in the pool.

Bar Belle: It’s not bad for being 122 proof. I can still taste the nuances in this wheated bourbon. This is 100% wheat heat!

Katie: I’d do it if I had to, but I don’t want to keep drinking it.

Britany: I like it better when it’s completely out of my mouth.

Tracy: That’s what she said!

Katie: It smelled like it was going to be sweet, and it wasn’t. Tricky little shit.

Tasters add ice …

Tracy: Even with the ice, it’s more harsh than the other two. Now for a disinfectant, this could be it!

Britany: Better with ice for sure. Compared to the others, it was drastically different with water.

 

Would you quarantine with this spirit?

Britany: As a disinfectant, yes. It is not even better than Bud Light.

Kelly: If it was my only option, I’d drink it.

Tracy: As disiectant, too. You’re gonna kill all the germs with this.

Katie: If I had to. Not by choice. But I’m not going to quarantine without a drink.

Bar Belle: Yes, I think it’s quite tasty. I might save it for the bad days to instantly lift my mood.

Britany: They should change the name Larceny to Arsony. 

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What Are We Drinking Today?: 

Elijah Craig Barrel Proof B520

 

What the hell is it?:

Elijah Craig Barrel Proof is an uncut small batch of 12-year-old bourbon bottled straight from the barrel. This season’s release comes in at a stout 127.2 proof.

 

Give me the nerdy numbers:

127.2 proof, 12 years old, non-chill filtered. Retails for around $70.

 

What do we think?:

Elijah Craig Barrel Proof bottleKatie: That’s much smoother. But there’s an afterburn.

Britany: There’s definitely an afterburn, a front burn, a side burn …

Kelly: This is way better than the last one!

Bar Belle: Even though it’s a higher proof?

Kelly: Yes, for some reason. Maybe I’m weird.

Tracy: It smelled really good, smooth, but also has that explosion of flavor.

Bar Belle: A lot more flavor than the Larceny.

Tasters add ice …

Tracy: This is more complex with the ice.

Britany: It has grown on me with the ice.

Miriam: It’s much better with ice.

Bar Belle: Screw the ice! Ice sunk the Titanic, you know? It’s not to be trusted — or added to bourbon. 

 

Would you quarantine with this spirit?

Britany: As long as I had ice cubes, yes.

Bar Belle: 100% yes! I might put this guy under my pillow.

Tracy: Yes! To quarantine, not under your pillow.

Katie: Yes. 

Kelly: Yes. Even a lightweight would.

Miriam: Do chickens have lips?

Bar Belle: Huh?

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What Are We Drinking Today?: 

Old Forester Single Barrel Barrel Strength

 

What the hell is it?:

This is a new expression of Old Forester, which will only be available at the distillery and/or as a store pick. In fact, the very first release of this just went up on the Old Fo website last week, and it sold out in a matter of minutes. You’ll just have to keep your eyes peeled for this one, because they’ll go quick!

So what’s different about it? It’s Old Forester bottled at barrel strength, which has never really been done before other than some of the President’s Choice offerings. Also, some of the Birthday Bourbons are higher in proof as well, but not 120 high!

Giving us barrel-strength Old Fo a great way to celebrate the company’s 150th birthday, that’s for sure!

 

Give me the nerdy numbers:

125-135 proof, various ages. Retails for $79.99.

 

What do we think?:

Old Forester Barrel Strength bottleBritany: You could get drunk just by sniffing it.

Kelly: It hurts!

Tracy: It hurts!

Bar Belle: Oh my … this is something to behold. It’s amazingly tasty! And smooth. There’s a party in my mouth, and someone just tapped another keg. 

Kelly: Maybe if you want to burn a house down! I feel like it tastes good, but it’s hot.

Britany: This is the ghost pepper of bourbon.

Tasters add ice …

Tracy: Ice calms it down for sure.

Britany: It’s nice with ice. And you can taste it now. Like when coffee is too hot and you let it cool down and you can finally taste it.

Tracy: I can sip this now, and it’s a beautiful thing.

Miriam: Pairs well with Pringles, but it hits you like a freight train.

Britany: I’m picking this over the (Buzzard’s Roost) rye, and that never happens. Once you add an ice cube, it’s liquid gold.

Bar Belle: Gold Forester never disappoints.

 

Would you quarantine with this spirit?

Bar Belle: Yes, and I’m not sharing it with anyone!

Tracy: It’s another quarankeeper.

Britany: Oh yes. It’d almost be better quarantining with this one, because no one else can have it.

Kelly: Yes. If there are ice cubes readily available, and don’t give me that Titanic bullshit.

Katie: Yes, please.

Miriam: Yes!

Bar Belle's Tasteless Tastings bar

Tasteless Tastings: Deck the Halls 2019 holiday edition

Tasteless Tastings bottles of bourbon

Let the tastings begin!

Welcome to another edition of Tasteless Tastings, which is exactly what it sounds like: tasting notes from the riffraff. If you follow the liquor industry to any capacity, you probably have come across snooty tasting notes from classy people who make the new spirit sound more like a science experiment than something you consume for fun. I want to shoot gayly forward from the hip and tell you how it really tastes. So each time the nice mailman brings me a sample to try, I’ll gather up some friends and we’ll have a candid, lively and unpolitically correct discussion about said sample.

This month’s iteration is holiday-themed, so let’s deck those halls with the bowels of someone named Holly. Let’s get to it …

 

What are we drinking today?:

Two Bitch BourbonTwo Bitch Bourbon Eureka Gold

What the hell is it?:

Straight out of Eureka, Nev., this straight bourbon whiskey (aged at least two years) comes from a new Nevada-based spirits company named after the owners’ love for their two newfound dogs. Along with this product, named for the old Wild West town the owners reside in, they offer the Pack Leader Reserve and a Small Batch with Bite. Apparently, Eureka sits in the Diamond Mountains on the “loneliest road in America.” So what else is there to do than to make bourbon?

Give me the nerdy numbers:

92 proof, $45

What do we think?:

Bar Belle: I can tell this isn’t an older bourbon because of its light color. It’s a straight bourbon, which means it’s at least two years old. So there’s that.

Kat: I can sip on this one! It’s light and subtle.

Heather: It’s the color of beer.

Tracy: It’s not memorable, but it’s OK. I mean, I’m not going to stop talking to friends and go, “Oooooh, wow!” But it’s something I could sip on all night long and not become overwhelmed.

Elizabeth: (Added a few drops of water) Water changed it for the better actually. You can actually smell something now.

Amber: Yes! I detect vanilla, and it’s sweet! It’s definitely a smooth bourbon — doesn’t burn, goes down well.

Bar Belle: That’s what she said?

Tracy: It would be good in cocktails because it’s sort of nondescript and won’t overpower.

Elizabeth: This could be the White Claw of bourbon.

Bar Belle: They also sent me a sample of the Small Batch product, and it was so delicious, I’m keeping it all to myself. Sorry not sorry.

 

If this bourbon was a Christmas tree ornament, what would it be?:

Group consensus: A standard, frosted ball ornament

Heather: I think you all are describing an ornament I made in kindergarten — I made it from a used pantyhose container! I think I still have it.

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What are we drinking today?:

Knob CreekKnob Creek Quarter Oak

What the hell is it?:

This new, limited-edition release uses a secondary finishing approach, taking fully mature Knob Creek and then finishing it for a minimum of four years in a quarter cask (a smaller-sized barrel). This juice is then blended with regular Knob Creek for this product.

Give me the nerdy numbers:

100 proof, $49.99

What do we think?:

Bar Belle: This is a new release from Knob Creek, which is made by Jim Beam. Think “double oaked,” and you get the idea. I’m a big fan of finished whiskeys for sure.

Tracy: Wow! We’re moving up the tree with this one! It’s nice. I like it!

Kat: This isn’t bad at all! It’s well-rounded, smooth.

Heather: I like this one, too! It starts off with a little heavier vanilla and then finishes off spicy. It’s the perfect bourbon for sipping in the winter.

Amber: The nose reminds me of fruit — dark cherry.

Bar Belle: It’s definitely a cherry bomb. Wow! I could sip on this for days if I didn’t have a job.

Heather: It would make a lovely Manhattan.

 

If this bourbon was a Christmas tree ornament, what would it be?:

Group consensus: A fancier ornament on the tree — possibly a snow globe featuring a bowl of cherries sprinkled with brown sugar.

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What are we drinking today?:

Heaven HillHeaven Hill Bottled-in-Bond

What the hell is it?:

This Bottled-in-Bond product was recently launched — or somewhat re-launched — by Heaven Hill, replacing the 6-year-old BIB product it had on the market for about $9.99 until 2018. The BIB label actually dates back to 1939 for Heaven Hill, when the company first released it and it shot to the No. 1 best-selling bourbon in Kentucky. Now, with a fancier bottle and label and an extra year of aging, the BIB label is a solid choice — although some longtime Heaven Hill BIB fans lament the uptick in price.

Give me the nerdy numbers:

100 proof, 7 years old, $39.99

What do we think?:

Bar Belle: This is Heaven Hill’s latest Bottled-in-Bond product, which replaced a cheaper version that was discontinued last year. The Bottled-in-Bond Act was passed in 1897 to kind of guarantee that what you were buying was legit.

Let me read you what Wikipedia has to say: To be labeled as bottled-in-bond or bonded, the liquor must be the product of one distillation season (January–June or July–December) by one distiller at one distillery. It must have been aged in a federally bonded warehouse under U.S. government supervision for at least four years and bottled at 100 (U.S.) proof (50% alcohol by volume). The bottled product’s label must identify the distillery where it was distilled and, if different, where it was bottled. Only spirits produced in the United States may be designated as bonded.

Elizabeth: Whoa! This is like a sucker punch!

Amber: It has such a sweet smell, and then it bites you when you’re not looking.

Tracy: Holy hell, Batman! This will put some hair on your chest!

Kat: Shooo!

Elizabeth: This is like one of those candles on your birthday cake that won’t blow out! It just keeps burning and burning.

Heather: I’d put it in eggnog.

Bar Belle: I like the spiciness. It’s definitely characteristic of the Heaven Hill mashbill. Not everything can be covered in caramel, you all! Embrace the spice, because it’s nice.

Tracy: This is one I’m not going to finish, if that tells you anything.

 

If this bourbon was a Christmas tree ornament, what would it be?:

Group consensus: A Snoopy driving a firetruck ornament … maybe that even makes a siren noise when you push a button.

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What are we drinking today?:

291291 Colorado Rye Whiskey

What the hell is it?:

This single barrel rye whiskey was made by Distillery 291, based out of Colorado Springs, Colo. It is distilled in a copper pot still and aged in American white oak barrels for one year, and then finished with aspen staves. Distillery 291 is a small batch whiskey-making company owned by distiller Michael Myers (not the one with the creepy mask), who aims to replicate the taste, smell and folklore of the Wild West. This rye whiskey was recently named World’s Best Rye by the World Whiskies Awards and has received similar accolades from all over the world. It is now available in Kentucky.

Give me the nerdy numbers:

101.7 proof, $59.99, Mashbill: 61% malted rye, 39% corn

What do we think?:

Bar Belle: Rye whiskey from Colorado! And there is no barley in the mashbill, which is uncommon.

Amber: This smells smokey, almost like a Scotch.

Elizabeth: Or feet.

Kat: It definitely smells different. But it doesn’t bad.

Heather: It has a malty taste.

Tracy: Well, it tastes better than it smells, that’s for sure. It’s like fruitcake!

Kat: I really like this!

Bar Belle: Me, too! It’s different than a high-rye bourbon, but displays a great smoothness and finishes nice. I want to chew on it.

Elizabeth: If you can get past the nose, it’s actually quite tasty.

Heather: I’m not sure I’d put this in a cocktail, but I could sip on it.

 

If this whiskey was a Christmas tree ornament, what would it be?:

Group consensus: A pine cone with glitter on it.

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What are we drinking today?:

Larceny Barrel ProofLarceny Barrel Proof

What the hell is it?:

Although Larceny Bourbon has been out now since 2012, this is the first new line extension of the Heaven Hill product. Larceny is a wheated bourbon usually bottled at 92 proof. And now, HH is releasing it with a barrel-strength proof. In fact, the bottle we sampled was 123.2 proof, but you’d never know from its crazy smoothness and sweet finish. I’ve liked Larceny since it was launched, but I never loved Larceny — if that makes any sense. However, after tasting the Barrel Proof, I’m smitten of the brown nectar that flows from the pearly gates of Heaven’s Hills. Shoo. I guess we should see what the others say …

Give me the nerdy numbers:

123.2 proof (proof will vary from bottle to bottle), $49.99

What do we think?:

Bar Belle: I hope you all are ready for some heat!

Amber: Wow! I like that. It pops, and then it’s smooth.

Kat: This is my favorite so far! Tastes like candy!

Amber: I agree. Right now it’s the topper on the tree!

Tracy: This is the bomb. A caramel bomb. It would be good to sip on by the fireplace.

Heather: (Added a few drops of water) It’s actually better neat. The water increased the burn.

Bar Belle: I feel like I’m licking a pole of caramel taffy. I wouldn’t even mind if my tongue got stuck to it at this point. It’s amazing how proof can make such a difference! This Barrel Proof just exceeded my expectations of this brand and elevated it to a whole new level! I mean, I feel like I know who let the dogs out now.

Tracy: Who? Who-who-who?

Bar Belle: John E. Fitzgerald, of course. The guy this bourbon is named in honor of. He was one of the only dudes with a key to the rickhouse back in the day, and they say a few of the better-tasting barrels would always come up a little short from year to year. They’d call them the “Fitzgerald barrels” because the juice was always quality, but also, there wasn’t much of it left. Can you blame him?

 

If this whiskey was a Christmas tree ornament, what would it be?:

Group consensus: This isn’t an ornament, it’s for when you’re watching the tree after it’s been decorated, sipping on a great bourbon while the fireplace crackles behind you.

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What are we drinking today?:

Skrewball WhiskeySkrewball Peanut Butter Whiskey

What the hell is it?:

Huh? Peanut butter whiskey? Yes, you heard that right. Peanut butter-flavored whiskey made — where else — than nutty California. There isn’t much about the distilling process on the label or website, but what we do know is it’s an invention by a married couple from Ocean Beach, Calif., who owned (or maybe still own) a bar. It’s also made with real peanuts, so if you have an allergy, this whiskey won’t cure all that ales you.

Give me the nerdy numbers:

70 proof, $26.99

What do we think?:

Tracy: (Takes a whiff) Well, I do smell the peanuts! (Takes a sip) Oh no! No no no!

Amber: It’s like drinking peanut butter.

Kat: I actually might enjoy sipping this on ice.

Bar Belle: It’s weird. Too syrupy and fake flavor-y to me. But I’d be willing to try it in a cocktail of some sort. Something with either jelly or chocolate.

Heather: Might be good in a chocolate shake — like a boozy milkshake.

Elizabeth: It would it be the popcorn ball ornament!

Amber: It’s the pickle ornament kids try to find in the tree! You know, the only one that’s different from all the others.

Heather: Come the first of the year when the diet starts, I might want to dip celery in it.

Bar Belle: That’s not a bad idea.

 

If this whiskey was a Christmas tree ornament, what would it be?:

Group consensus: It’s actually the drink of choice on the Island of Misfit Toys.